Landlubber's Dreams
a villanelle by Rebecca Grabman

If I were a sailor, I would stay on shore.
I would never, ever leave beloved land:
Sailing on the ocean seems like such a bore

And I wouldn’t want to be so very poor
As a sailor who just hasn’t got a hand
(If I were a sailor, I would stay on shore

‘Cause I am quite convinced I would soon be gored
By an angry crocodile and his band).
Swaying on the ocean sounds like such a bore.

If I went to sea, I’d be full of pirate lore
‘Bout the spiteful crews and terrors they had planned…
If I were a sailor, I’d want to stay on shore!

If I were a pirate, I’d have a pirate whore
To whom I could give my nefarious commands
Sailing on the ocean isn’t such a bore….

Forget one wench – why, I would get me four!
And on a desert island we’ll be stranded.
If I were a pirate, I’d never leave my shore:
For, when you compare, the sea seems such a bore!